The fog was thick. And in the darkness I felt afraid. Ghoulish images crossed my path and my instinct was to attack. I felt that if I could scream loud enough and swipe fast enough, I could rid myself of those demons. But my voice seemed to be sucked into a vast vacuum and my arms felt numb. I could barely move.
“Am I dreaming?” I heard myself ask. Yet, to whom was I speaking?
I started to cry. “I’m so scared,” I sobbed…to seemingly no one.
The fog only got thicker. My fear only intensified. And I fell deeper into the dream.
“I love you,” I faintly heard.
“What?” I asked, as I rubbed my eyes and looked around.
“I love you,” whispered the Voice.
“Who are You?” I asked as I quickly turned to see Who was speaking to me. “And, what do You want?”
“I want you to remember who you truly are; that you were made from Love, that you are Love. Know this and your fear will vanish.”
“What? Who are You?”
“I am Love and I created you.
“You don’t have to live in that dream, in that nightmare. But, it is your choice,” said the Voice. “I have been calling to you through the fog, but you have continued to turn and run away. The farther you have ventured from My Voice, the more fearful you have become. Come home to Me. Come home to yourself. Then, you shall awaken and know the Truth.”
“I’m afraid!” I whimpered.
“And where has your fear taken you, but only deeper into the fog; into the nightmare. Has that abolished your fear or simply intensified it?”
“Well, its….wait! How do I know I can trust You?”
“Do you trust Fear? the Voice asked.
“No. Of course not.”
“Then, why do you follow him?”
“I don’t follow him! I make up my own mind.”
“Yes, you do,” said the Voice. “You make up your mind that you’d rather live in fear than in peace and joy. It is by your decisions that you follow him.
“Hmmm, you’ve got a point there. But, I don’t know You. Why would I follow You?”
“Of course you know Me,” the Voice said ever so gently. “I am your Joy. I am your Peace. I am Love and I created you in My Image. What is there not to trust?”
“Uh, I don’t know. What do I have to do?” I asked hesitantly.
“It’s simple,” said the Voice. All I ask is that you forgive yourself for what you believe are your sins, and forgive your brothers and sisters for what you perceive are theirs.”
“Are you kidding me here?” I shouted incredulously. “I’ve messed up big time. There’s no way I can forgive myself for what I’ve done. And forgive them? That won’t happen! Not the way they’ve hurt me!”
“And by holding on to those grievances and by punishing yourself,” asked the Voice, “has that made things better? Do you feel more peaceful, more joyful and loving?”
“Of course not!” I scolded. But I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done, and I’ll never let those guys off the hook. They hurt me too badly.”
As those word poured out of my mouth, I began to sob uncontrollably. “Dear Lord, help me,” I pleaded.
“Peace be with you,” the Voice breathed into me.
At once I felt my chest release. My crying subsided. “Wait, what did you just do?” I asked the Voice.
“I gave you My Peace,” came His reply.
“But…how did you do that?
“Easily,” said the Voice. “You had a moment when you began to believe again. It was then that you were able to feel My Love.”
“Oh…my…God!” I said.
“Yes,” said the Voice.”
The fog was lifting and I felt more awake. My mind was at peace.
“OK,” I said. “I’ll give this thing a try, but you have to promise me that you’ll hang with me while I’m figuring this all out.”
“No prob,” said the Voice.
Photos 1-6 by Rev. Barbara Adams, O.M.C.